A 100% sure fire way to make money on the stockmarket

Comments

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   Pain Au Chocolat

   9 February 2016, 01:20

   What? How on earth are you going to decimate shareholder value whilst lining your pockets with “working capital” without giving your bestest ever mate a job?

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   bob brush

   9 February 2016, 02:04

   Tom you forgot to employ a team of highly trained criminals in tis enterprise as subordinates. The new director of fund raising should be that bloke who was never identified from the hatton garden robbery, for his ‘incredible skill of breaking up monopolies on who owns money’. he will clearly be excellent at finding the money needed to run the company. they you can hire Tob Rerry as your CFO and get this person to use his experience in making accounts look profitable when they are making a loss to give your balance sheet a boost. All you need then is an old tory MP, perhaps Michelle Coward lobbying for you and using his position to unduly influence the judicial process to keep you safe from exposure. You can hire Chris Lithium’s PR girl to pose next to you in a bikini on twitter to make it look like you are popular with the ladies and say nice things about you to soothe you before bed and finally you can have BMD as your head of PR so he can go round kneecapping anyone who says negative things and generally keeping the masses in check.

   THEN you will have the perfect AIM company.

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   turbograndad

   9 February 2016, 02:24

   Good to see that its ethical, as it won’t make any money from ISIS.
   Morons on the asylum will go for this big time.

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   wildrides

   9 February 2016, 02:34

   I am in ……….but only if we can have multiple Panama Pumping and RT doing the books , plus a washed up MP or ex Minister of the board . Also Steffi the TRI queen and Amanda Van Goddess in “that black dress” doing the PR ( preferably from a seated position at a desk leaning forward to the mike ) All in the best possible taste , of course. ( Que Benny Hill soundtrack and Steffi and Amanda being chased around a civic park setting by Benny Hill )

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   Nigel Somerville

   9 February 2016, 02:37

   With apologies to frank Sinatra….

   Fly me to the moon
   Let me mine among the stars
   Let the share price rocket up
   to Jupiter and Mars
   In other words, just buy…
   In other words, kiss your cash goodbye

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   Lonster

   9 February 2016, 03:07

   Wow, that’s not a bad idea. I can see Elon Musk (SpaceX) and Jeff Bezos (Amazon & Blue Origin) definitely getting involved in this too, a loan of a rocket or two, certainly commercially viable.

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   Reuben Bear

   9 February 2016, 04:24

   I’ve heard there’s a high probability that its junk bonds will fall off the moon and land directly on sacred Cuban soil, but that this will then make America great again. It seems to me that there are serious flaws in this proposal. Who is going to pay for the wall to the moon and back? And what is a junk bond?

   #BulletinBoardMoron

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   J P Spaghetti

   9 February 2016, 05:14

   Well going from hairless to airless may well be a step up for DL (perhaps he’s given to dropping his aitches?), but – without wishing to be a party pooper – I draw to your attention Article VI of the UN Outer Space Treaty of 1967 (for such a thing truly exists!):

   “The activities of non-governmental entities in outer space, including the moon and other celestial bodies, shall require authorization and continuing supervision by the appropriate State Party to the Treaty.”.

   Now this need not be a show stopper, but – as is apparent – would require continuing state intervention and approval. In the interest of transparency and integrity, potential shareholders, of course, would need to be made aware of the associated risks.

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   Pain Au Chocolat

   9 February 2016, 05:49

   See! If you had engaged your true friends services you could have wiped 13% off the SP before lunch.