By Tom Winnifrith | Friday 9 September 2016
Following the example set by Paul Warwick the chairman of worthless penny stock Andalas (ADL) in starting a blog, Sir Benjamin Dover of AIM listed Global Mining Endeavours has decided to follow suit and like Paul promises to be Candid in his approach. Blog number eleven....
I am being pressed by some of my shareholders to clarify remarks that I made about the Brexit vote at our AGM in early June. It is all jolly embarrassing. Naturally I voted to come out of the EU. We did not fight two world wars to allow the bloody Krauts to rule our lives did we? But ahead of the AGM, our PR johnny Tarquin advised me that we had to be seen as supporting the Remain side in order not to annoy the chaps in the City.
I think Tarquin had other reasons for wanting us to stay in. His young "friend" and assistant Sebastian is, after all, from Poland and Tarquin said that he does not want the boy to have any problems with having to enter via the back door. As a result of all of this I was forced to respond to sign up to some letter to the Financial Times, drafted in Downing Street, where myself and other leading lights of the business world warned the great unwashed about the dangers of leaving.
I went further and told the AGM that "The biggest single threat to Global Mining Endeavours is a Brexit vote which will, according to experts, cause the FTSE 100 to fall by 56% within days, house prices to plunge by 67% by the August bank holiday and the average Britain to be so badly off that by Christmas there will be a mass movement of economic migrants to Upper Volta as they flee both poverty and also a third world war."
I thought at the time that this sounded a bit over the top but Tarquin suggested that if I wanted to upgrade my Knighthood to a Peerage without having to give another large corporate donation to the Conservative Party I should follow the script I had been sent. Ever keen to preserve shareholders' hard earned cash I was a good German.
It is now pointed out to me that house prices are still increasing and the Footsie has stormed ahead since June. Hell's teeth even our shares are up which jolly well tells you something! As for that third world war by Christmas business it does, I concede, look a little unlikely. It is all jolly hard to explain away.
I have therefore authorised Tarquin to release the following statement:
"We are Global Mining are naturally delighted with the referendum result having always thought that wogs started at Calais. The post Brexit boom naturally is good news for commerce and reinforces how cheap our shares are.
We may, however, have given the vague impression at our AGM that a Brexit vote would be bad news for the UK.
This appears to be the result of a misunderstanding in our Corporate Communications strategy.
I have asked my old friend Lord Chilcot to conduct an enquiry into what happened in his normal speedy manner and will take immediate action on the publication of his report in 2028.
Meanwhile we reserve the right to blame Brexit should we suffer any trading disruption, need an emergency placing to bail us out or if we cock things up in any other manner.
Sir ( soon to be Lord if you remember our little deal Mr Cameron?) Benjamin Dover, chairman "
I do hope that puts the record straight.
To be continued
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