By Tom Winnifrith | Thursday 15 September 2016
Disclosure: I have no positions in any stocks mentioned, and no plans to initiate any positions within the next 72 hours. I wrote this article myself, and it expresses my own opinions. I am not receiving compensation for it (other than from ShareProphets). I have no business relationship with any company whose stock is mentioned in this article.
Following the example set by Paul Warwick the chairman of worthless penny stock Andalas (ADL) in starting a blog, Sir Benjamin Dover of AIM listed Global Mining Endeavours has decided to follow suit and like Paul promises to be candid in his approach. Blog number fourteen....
Well the Daily Mail and our PR Johnny arquin did us proud did it not? "Mellon looks at Global Mining for new biotech shell" was the headline and underneath sources were quoted as saying that my good pal Jim was looking at injecting yet another of the newly formed companies that he has bought for buttons but which are set to cure cancer in 2017, into our fine company. The story is, of course, completely untrue but, as my good friend Chris Cleverley, who is the greatest living expert on the AIM Rulebook, reminded me the other day "AIM Rules allow you to issue statements via RNS that are not true in order to get a placing away." Naturally the shares have jumped from 0.05p to 0.1p. And we reacted quickly with a statement which Chris helped me to draft.
"Global Mining Endeavours notes recent press comment and can confirm that it is constantly seeking ways to enhance shareholder value and will keep shareholders updated accordingly."
That pushed the shares up to 0.12p and the oik Bellis from Beaufort did not hang around. By midday we were able to announce that in response to institutional demand we had raised another £1 million at 0.07p, a premium of 40% to the mid price at 4.30 PM yesterday and that the funds will be used for working capital and to explore new opportunities to create shareholder value. What good news, Miss Skirt is already arranging another management away day in Monaco to continue the good progress we are making.
Elsewhere, I see that my good friend the greatest living expert on the AIM Rule Book, Chris Cleverley, has had to step down as a Non Executive Director of a company called Blenheim in order to concentrate on his other business interests. That is what people just do not appreciate about commerce. Men such as Chris and myself are much in demand and, as I was saying at the all day Memery Crystal golf corporate beanfeast yesterday, there are only so many hours in the day that we entrepreneurs can commit to creating shareholder value. That, of course, is why AIM Companies need to offer competitive boardroom pacakges in order to attract and retain real talent.
Sadly Global Mining will have to struggle by without me for a brief period as I have been dragged away from the coal face for family reasons.
It was not like this in my day. Thirty five years ago,when Lady Dover was about to give birth to our son and heir young Ben, I dropped the little woman off on the steps of the hospital and headed off for a hard day creating value for shareholders in the City. I Popped in that evening to see Lady Dover and young Ben, patted the chap on the head and rushed back to the Square Mile to celebrate with cigars and a few bottles of port. How things change...
Young Ben is to be a father again and for the past few weeke he has been on, what is termed paternity leave, going to pre-natal underwater yoga sessions and hypnobirthing seminars with that silly, and rather demanding, woman, his wife. Now she is heading off to hospital and he is accompanying her as her "birthing partner" to witness spectacles that a Gentleman really should not be even contemplating. How do I know this? Because in his absence Lady Dover and I have been forced to go and look after his existing offspring, my nearest and dearest or, as I call them, the vermin.
I shall therefore be spending the next few days in the company of Lady Dover, which is bad enough, but also with two grandchildren who will no doubt demanding that grandpa goes searching for things called Pokemon with them and watching complete and utter rubbish on the goggle box. It is enough to turn a man to drink and I have ensured that we bring with us a few cases from the cellar at Dover Towers.
Why on earth young Ben cannot deal with his ghastly woman sprogging in the time honoured ways is beyond me. It really is yet another example of how political correctness has gone mad and is destroying our country. I feel a letter to the Financial Times on this subject is in order.
But sadly there is no time for that now. Lady Dover has loaded up the car and we are almost off. I shall report back, a broken man, when I head back to oil the wheels of commerce next week.
To be continued...
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