Old Gervais is a credible fund manager so what on earth is he doing appearing on a new video show "The spiv Olympics" produced by the LSE Asylum? Its host is Sith Lord Zak "I will do anything, tip any crap for money" Mir, guest one is some barrow boy from low life bucket shop Optiva and the third guest is an uber-spiv from the Asylum itself. So far in three days only 480 folks have watched this shite and Darren and myself are two of them. But Zak needs the money so needs the Asylum to think he has a mass audience so do your bit to assist a poor chartist.

The story of the week is at #2, Vindication for Tom Winnifrith: Cenkos to be fined up to £700,000 over Quindell fraud - not enough, as the work of several years worth of ShareProphets reporting come to fruition. Don't think for a moment that the FCA would have acted here without our unyielding coverage of Quindell.

Gold has definitely been one of the best sectors to be in so far in 2016, and whilst I’ve mainly been sticking to those companies in production, there are several smaller AIM listed outfits that are close enough to that stage to have gotten my interest.

I thought I’d take a short break from company-specific analysis this Saturday to share a few thoughts on how best to understand whether your investment journey is a successful one (for my previous advice article, see Micro-caps – don’t buy unless you’re willing to hold).

Eurasia Mining (EUA) has been a favourite of mine for a couple of years now and it looks as though the long wait is finally about to come to fruition as production gets underway and that will send the share price zooming ahead.

The last podcast recorded with the audience of my father for a few days sees a few comments on how he yearns for the socialist paradise of Albania in the good old days. Whatever. I look at Nostra Terra (NTOG) and what it must do and another bear point for Avanti Communications (AVN) I had overlooked, at FastForward (FFWD) and why it is such a dog with fleas and at broken business models in both new media and the European Banks. The truth is that the Emperor's New Clothes, in both cases, really are not that impressive.

When I last wrote about Gulf Keystone (GKP) I said it would be my final word on the subject but that was before Friday’s news of a $300 million bid from the Norwegian Oil company DNO, the details of which are on its website.

On 28th July Lloyds Bank (LLOY) published decent enough interim results, hiked its payout by 13%, and announced that it was closing an additional 200 branches and firing 3000 banksters by the end of 2017. Naturally the BBC led the media in blaming Brexit for the job losses even though that was not what Lloyds stated at all. This is quite remarkable spin and lies from the left wing press and BBC. I see that, in some quarters, Lloyds stands accused of using Brexit as an excuse for cost cutting, that is wholly unfair.

Having asked for readers tips for 2016 for the amazing prize of lunch or dinner with Tom Winnifrith (or the chance to fob it off on someone you don't like) HERE, the following is a monthly update on performance (to be eligible needed to have selected a buy & sell pick and those to be listed on the LSE or on the AIM Casino)...

Hello Share Sponsors. As I write the price of Brent crude is $43  a barrel. That’s a lot worse than the $51 dollars it reached a few months ago. And the fall has been reflected in the share price of nearly all oil companies. For example, the share price of Royal Dutch Sell (RSDA) is off by about 5%.

On Wednesday we learned that the FCA is investigating City fat cats Cenkos for its part in the Quindell fraud and is likely to levy a vast fine as you can read HERE. This is the biggest stockmarket scandal in the UK since Robert Maxwell. Tom Winnifrith has already been thanked by other regulators, the accounting watchdog the FRC, for his key role in unearthing this scandal as you can read HERE.

Part of the Knob Park Group of ponzis run by Quindell (QPP) fraudster Rob Terry, before he is put on trial and sent to prison, Quob Park Solutions has recently published what are the most bonkers set of accounts in Christendom.

I start with Gulf Keystone (GKP) and a share price driven by morons. talking of morons, London's most useless Nomad, Roland "fatty" Cornish has screwed up again. This time it is Nyota Minerals (NYO) although the real issue here is when is Nyota bust. I think it might be already. I look at Avanti and ask who is smarter: Tom Dobell of M&G, a Bulletin Board Moron or an institutional investor in bonds. I look at Koovs (KOOV), Essentra (ESNT) and Audiooboom (BOOM).

Foxtons (FOXT) shares reached an all-time low since their 2013 flotation in the wake of the EU referendum, and despite recovering from that nadir, sentiment remains weak. The shares are changing hands today at 113p, 8% lower on the day, in the aftermath of their latest interim results.

Moody's was damning enough on Avanti Communications (AVN) as I noted earlier. The clear takeaway was that the shares were worth 0p given Moody's view that bondholders were in for a haircut. Now I bring you what the other credit rating agency S&P says. It is equally bearish.

As societal and political structures continue to breakdown worldwide, survival instincts are heightening. This inspires self-organizing communities and a decreasing confidence in central banking and other key infrastructures. Precious metals as a medium of exchange has thousands of years of tried-and-true history, so people run to these safe havens. Precious metals guru David Morgan thinks gold and silver have already hit bottom, and because of the unique situation in the world today, he wouldn’t rule out gold lifting to $10,000 oz! Oh I do hope so!

Moody's has downgraded its ratings on the junk bonds of Avanti Communications warning bond holders that they would probably get just 35-65% of their cash back. In that case the equity is worthless - note the explicit warning that Avanti will face a cash crisis potentially within weeks. Moody's states viz a viz the bonds " Moody's sees a default by Avanti over the next 6-12 months as almost inevitable." On that basis the target price for Avanti shares has to be ZERO. Sell while you can.

So you think blue chip shares are safe? Hat tip to a Mr N Wray from London for the table below which proves that they are not.had you stuck £5,000 into all the stocks in the FTSE 100 10 years ago in 17 cases you would have lost money in absolute terms. The worst investment would be RBS (RBS) where your initial £5,000 would today be worth £191. Other household names such as Tesco (TSCO), Marks & Sparks (MKS) and Aviva (AV.)  were just dogs. As the table below shows even supposedly safe blue chips carry risk.

Gulf Keystone (GKP) says that it is considering a hostile bid from Norway's DNO which comprises $120 million of cash and $180 million of shares. Given that DNO will be taking on a net $100 million of debt, post the restructuring the offer is remarkably generous but not half as generous as the market implies.

Good news from late last week, the shameless charlatan Darren Winters who has made a fortune peddling bogus and worthless stockmarket training courses for tens of thousands of pounds, and I shall be squaring up in Court in the Grim Northern Welfare Safaris on November 7. Bring it on, I want to see the bitchez in Court.