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Oh dear, Oh dear... it is savage wage cuts at the Evil Empire, the death star is failing

By Han Solo & Luke Skywalker | Monday 6 June 2016


 


Our Bothan spies have again risked life and liberty to bring hot news from the Evil Empire to rebel outposts in Clerkenwell and Greece. It appears that all is not well at the Death Star. Having promised that it had "sold" 10,000 tickets to its Master Investor conference - though the venue had a capacity of fewer than 3,000 - our spies brought you photos of plenty of empty seats. Following on from that horrendeous PR and trading disaster, we now hear that freelance stormtroopers have been told they are to get pay cuts of up to 60%. Ouch. We guess that will mean only 12 pieces of silver for some folk.


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