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Quindell: Translating today’s RNS from Bollocksese into English

By Tom Winnifrith | Friday 2 January 2015


Disclosure: I have no positions in any stocks mentioned, and no plans to initiate any positions within the next 72 hours. I wrote this article myself, and it expresses my own opinions. I am not receiving compensation for it (other than from ShareProphets). I have no business relationship with any company whose stock is mentioned in this article.


Quindell (QPP) has today issued an RNS which is pure bollocks. Ever keen to help I am happy to provide a translation into English, something which shows both that the new board are as keen to mislead as the old and that this company is up shit creek without a paddle. 

The Quenron statement follows in italics, the English translation is in bold. 

As stated on 8 December 2014, cash generation remains a key focus of the Group and initiatives to improve the working capital profile of the Group continue to be pursued. One such initiative was concluded on 31 December 2014. As part of this initiative, Quindell has entered into exclusivity arrangements with a third party in respect of the possible disposal of an operating division of the Group.

On 8th December Quenron fessed up that it was only able to remain in business because its banks had not yet pulled the overdraft and following that an opportunistic buyer came in with a low ball offer for one of the few businesses in our group which actually generates cash. In order to keep the banks happy we have signed an agreement to allow this party more time to look at which point it might make a low ball offer. Naturally we will accept any offer because we are desperate for cash even though this is one of the few businesses we own that does or ever will generate cash.
 

This exclusivity agreement has encouraged the banks not to pull their overdraft facilities and as a result we will be able to pay staff their December wages on January 8th. 

In addition to cash generation initiatives that will continue into 2015, the Group is in early discussions with a range of parties interested in exploring possible transactions with the Group relating to a number of its operating businesses.

Because the operational cashflows remain weak & below forecast and will get weaker we are running out of money. As such all our assets are for sale. This is a firesale process and any offers will be accepted.
 

There can be no certainty that any of these discussions will lead to the disposal of any of the Group's assets.

Once they have undertaken due diligence potential purchasers will realise that they would rather have oral sex with an Ebola victim than make a meaningful offer for most of our 191 subsidiaries which are nearly all utter POS enterprises. We may get a very few lowball offers for the few businesses that have some value – but which we hugely overpaid for. These will be sold to keep the lights on crystallising mammoth goodwill writedowns.

Regardless of the outcome of the discussions detailed above, the Board remains comfortable with the Group
's overall cash position.

We have persuaded the banks not to pull the overdraft yet so can meet our immediate commitments including payroll.  The Board of Quindell – which previously assured you that Rob Terry was buying shares when he was selling, that the company was going into the FTSE 250 etc. etc. etc. – has not stated that it is comfortable that the business is a going concern as it stands because even it knows that it its cashflow profile going out even a few months is a tits up profile.

We have received the PWC draft report but have not stated in this RNS that PWC is comfortable with the cash position because it is not.

We only continue to trade because the banks have not pulled the overdraft. If you think we are comfortable in such a position you really are stupid but it is a day when no-one is watching their screens so we will say it anyway.
 

Further announcements will be made as appropriate.

We have not commented on the Christmas Day revelation that our CEO sold a company worth £68.40 (inc VAT) to Quenron for £2 million in cash in January 2014. Our new PR advisors tell us to ignore “the blogger” in order not to bring more attention on the criminal activities we have engaged in. Cenkos will not force us to do anything as it only cares about its retainers and the FCA/AIM Regulation probably have not worked out that January 2nd is a working day and so are still asleep in bed.

We will fess up to the accounting horrors and cash black hole when forced to by the PWC report. If we cannot flog all of our businesses which have any value we will go tits up. If we can flog them then we will be left only with cash consumers and we will go tits up a few months down the road. Rob Terry has sold all his shares now because he knows that this is a worthless POS fraud of a company heading for administration. We hope that mug punters keep buying so that other senior management can dump stock and so that we can keep earning vast salaries for a bit longer.
 

Ends.

The stark fact is that Quindell has today admitted that there is a firesale of assets and has not provided any clarity on the cash position as it knows that it is dire or on the status of the PWC report as it knows that will make for grim reading. Sell. Target price 0p.

If you are having trouble shorting Quenron, spreadbetting form ETX will allow you to short and you can open an account immediately HERE


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Comments

14 comments

  1. I see the DM gives you credit today, Tom. I see the mug punters/morons have not made any new year resolutions to learn more about finance. The share price is up. Today’s RNS is nothing more than a fire sale and an advertisement to the city that there are some bargain bucket businesses for sale, otherwise why be so explicit? Was this RNS really required?


  2. Dominic Cooper

    Oh bo**ocks. That’s my bottle of wine / real man pizza out of the window for the predict the suspension date of Quenron competition.

    I expected there to be an RNS today. But I thought it would be along the lines of “The company announces that one of its bankers has exercised its right on paper to demand immediate repayment ….The group is in urgent discussions with its bankers in order that the board may obtain a full understanding of the way forward. Further updates will be provided in due course. The group nonetheless remains confident …. Executive Stooge David Currie stated ‘ bitterly disappointed that the bank exercised its rights without discussion. Wholly unnncessary on target shite shite shite. Committed to the value of the brand and its business. Legal action against those who caused this situation….’ Ends.”

    Followed by announcement on Monday morning of share suspension.

    I guess it will be coming soon. Don’t forget it isn’t just payroll, – rent quarter has just gone and corpy tax is due.

    As for the B B morons. I had a sneak peak over Chrimbo and saw them debating whether or not Quindell could sell its telematics technology to airlines in order to trace missing planes. I kid you not. These people shouldn’t be allowed to play in the park on their own without Mummy, let alone buy shares on AIM!

  3. Tom, you are an excellent interpreter! How about another possible interpretation:

    “The PwC report highlighted the risks involved in the case of the company not being able to pay its debts as they fall due. In particular they reminded the directors of Section 214 of the Insolvency Act 1986 concerning wrongful trading and the resultant risk of personal liability to the directors. Having discussed the matter further with advisors, the Board understand that a common defence to Section 214 is where the directors are seen to take every step to minimise the potential loss to creditors. It is further understood that a common way in which this defence can be implemented is by providing evidence that the directors were in discussions with third parties to achieve a sale of the company’s assets. Herein we attempt to provide such evidence.

    Furthermore, we had better not mention Tom Winnifrith’s Christmas Day ‘revelation’ because it may well have implications for those concerned under Section 238 of the Insolvency Act 1986 concerning transactions at an undervalue. This would by operation of statute enable an administrator to seek to void any transactions deemed to be at an undervalue, the relevant period being two years prior to their appointment pursuant to Section 240. Given that there is therefore some time to go before the two year window expires for this particular transaction, the directors would rather this point is forgotten about.”

  4. TOM,
    Great piece as usual, like the ebola victim anecdote, though unfortunate for the victim, probably ebola would’nt infect Quenron/ Swindell BOD, too putrid and already infected.

  5. Funny article albeit a sad reality. Tom, you mentioned that the PWC report will most likely remain confidential, why did they bother releasing an RNS advertsing this report if they knew full well that they weren’t going to publish it? Didn’t they think that by keeping it confidential they would just open themselves up to more criticism? Have you spoken with PWC about the report? Is there anything new to read on the horizon regarding it?
    Thanks,
    J

  6. No doing so well today? Awww.

  7. Grandad,
    I also feel for victims of Ebola in Africa, but it is exceeded by the circa 25,000 who die annually (mostly children) from Rabies, and both are dwarfed by Aids and Malaria. However, it still sends shivers down my spine every.time I see how easily you all go up and stroke a dog you don’t know.

    The Quenron story drags on, it was a good short before today’s RNS, an even one better now, but as always it’s a case of timing.They piled in every time they made an acquisition and they pile back in again for every one they sell one, Guess who will be left with the circa £68 shells.

    What I cannot understand is how they get away with posting so much, I’m 64 and I still work, and I have never yet worked for anyone who would tolerate an employee posting all day long at their expense. Makes me wonder how many pension pots are invested in Quenron, and of course with current proposals to make it easier to release pension pots to people how many more will bust their pots out on the AIM casino. The markets have always been a bust for the unwary.

    The second half of 2014 turned out to be one of the most interesting in some 4 decades. So for me this site has been as entertaining as informative, and has become a must read, I would like to thank Tom Winnifrith and all of Share Prophets for that and to wish all of us a very happy and prosperous new year

  8. Oddly enough the spread betting companies are accepting shorts again today. Which indicates that there is a new institutional holder (who holds stock with one of the investment houses). One assumes that this new holder has been appraised of all the offal and still bought.

    There might be some light at the end of the tunnel for the share holders.

    But I did make a small short right on the close at 46.5p …. mind you my stop is very , very close.

  9. Simon

    The only lights at the end of the tunnel for Quenron shareholders are the lights of the express train of administration bearing down on them at a rate of knots

    t

  10. The RNS was so transparent that the morons are now effectively playing Russian Roulette with a full chamber ………… yet they keep buying . What are these people on ? The company announces “ yes we are completely fecked , there is no canoe , paddle or even a creek to escape the inevitable “ The response “ Oh well we had better top up then “.

    The horse is dying of thirst at the water trough .

  11. TW talks like a cunt,don,t you think

  12. Wheeler John

    I feel sure you would enjoy the album “Derek and Clive live 1 “ by Pete and Dud

    It uses the word once or twice .

    In answer to your specific question ……… No

  13. Thanks for the update, Tom.

    Nice to apply the wording toward companys’ RNSs we may be invested in (as by now I doubt anyone remains in this PoS)

    Much appreciated.
    P

  14. Hi Tom,
    Just a little nudge regarding my question. No need to publish this :)


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