Star Edison Mining Analyst Charlie Gibson now on Electronic Tag after Scrapping with Policeman in Drunken Brawl

Commissioned Researcher Edison has set up its twitter account to retweet to its followers and customers all articles on this website with the word Edison in the title. Ho. Ho. Ho. For it seems that its star mining analyst, uber posh Charlie Gibson won’t be going on any field trips soon.

Charlie, you may remember, shot to fame with the classic commissioned research note on African Eagle (AFE) claiming that its lead project was worth $400 million. Weeks later African said it could find no funding for Charlie’s gem and went 99% tits up. But it is not crime against sensible investing that we are dealing with here….

Having been given an upper class fishwife ear bashing by Charlie’s C-list TV presenter Mrs, the porcine Tanya Beckett, a few years ago, I feel some pleasure in bringing you the tale of Charlie and the Old Bill.

It seems as if Charlie and his Mrs were having a bit of a domestic at their Oxfordshire mansion on June 8th and the Old Bill were called. But when “the law” arrived the Honourable Edward Charles d’Olier Gibson, son of the 4^th Baron Ashbourne, was nowhere to be seen. At about 2.30 AM Charlie drove up in his motor, utterly sloshed having had a pint of cider, a few whiskies and a few glasses of wine at the local boozer.

The Old Bill, in the form of PC Aaron Walker attempted to approach our heroic mining analyst but he was not impressed. Champagne Charlie told the court:

“It was grappling or wrestling if you like, definitely not boxing. I broke away from this person. I said “I do not know who you are. I do not know what you want. Please leave me alone.”

Hmmmm, you would have thought that PC Walker’s Uniform might have been a bit of a clue for Charlie…

After an eleven minute scuffle, in which PC Walker hit Gibson with his baton and used pepper spray to restrain him, the drunken felon was cuffed. At that point the fact that the felon owned a shotgun meant that an armed response unit had to be called.

As Gibson scuffled outside his home, PC Walker said that the son of Baron Ashbourne exclaimed “You are not arresting me. I am going home.”

Quite right Lord Snooty, who the hell do these oiks think they are? Fellows like you have been ruling this green and pleasant land since the Norman conquest and if honourable chaps want to go out and get totally sloshed,  drive home while completely legless and give a member of the working classes a good thrashing afterwards what the hell is wrong with that? This is political correctness gone mad is it not?

The Judge appears to have recognised what an honourable fellow and thoroughly good chap, the Honourable Edward Charles d’Olier Gibson, public school, Oxford, Cazenove is. Cripes, with that sort of CV he could be David Cameron or a member of the judiciary.  And so Judge Tim Pattinson concluded that Gibson was in fact “a law abiding and impeccably behaved man…who had broken the law.” I suppose Harold Shipman could be described as “a good family doctor…who killed old ladies.”

Anyhow prison is for common people. And so Charlie has been banned for driving for a year, must pay a small fine and now wears an electronic leg-bracelet (oooooh, such plebeian jewellery) to ensure that he stays inside his palatial London residence between 9 PM and 5 AM. Which means that he can continue to serve up high quality investment research during the day.  

Trebles all round.